Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
