Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
