i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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