She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
