Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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