He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
