he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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