If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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