carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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