i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
