Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
