I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
