I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
only if we run a train.
done.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
