I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
