Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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