you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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