Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My friends, they love my intelligence
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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