I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
where am i from again
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm really busy with my period
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