just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
