Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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