Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
