Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
