yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
