don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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