Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
