wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
