the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
