Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
