He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
