Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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