if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
