But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
