Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
