So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
