You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
