i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
