At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
