Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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