Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
