A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
