why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
