Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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