New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
