Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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