so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
