words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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