Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
