I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So squirting runs in the family.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
