Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
