I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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