Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
