i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Two words: blizzard sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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