i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
