No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
