he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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