I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
