If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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