you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
