don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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