operation have a gay friend backfired
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
