You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
