He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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