woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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