I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
