He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
