dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Holy sore nipples Batman
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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