bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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