you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
