there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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