Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
