i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
