Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
