Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (879) Bad night (3506)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.

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  (425): he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick. http://tfl.nu/08s1
  Replies (28) Good night (4898) Bad night (845)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope

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  (214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited (1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope http://tfl.nu/jd28
  Replies (93) Good night (1533) Bad night (7519)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.

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  (601): He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal. http://tfl.nu/idbe
  Replies (12) Good night (799) Bad night (3632)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.

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  (443): You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies. http://tfl.nu/c673
  Replies (21) Good night (5315) Bad night (1298)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them

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  (609): there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them http://tfl.nu/lo0z
  Replies (24) Good night (5484) Bad night (788)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.

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  (973): All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/wlva
  Replies (19) Good night (1227) Bad night (5686)
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  (631): View more from New York

  He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...

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  (631): He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now... http://tfl.nu/8b9i
  Replies (12) Good night (1769) Bad night (6077)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids

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  (217): he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids http://tfl.nu/l2up
  Replies (12) Good night (1171) Bad night (4567)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita

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  (570): I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita http://tfl.nu/65sn
  Replies (4) Good night (1707) Bad night (789)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?

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  (970): There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you? http://tfl.nu/w1xa
  Replies (12) Good night (6501) Bad night (1110)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.

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  (612): Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down. http://tfl.nu/yekc
  Replies (15) Good night (1587) Bad night (2344)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.

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  (573): What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important. http://tfl.nu/vy7b
  Replies (19) Good night (699) Bad night (4965)
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  (530): View more from California

  When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.

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  (530): When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck. http://tfl.nu/3nwx
  Replies (11) Good night (1835) Bad night (626)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.

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  (505): Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds. http://tfl.nu/oq4c
  Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (324)

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