You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
