Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito