Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.