You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face