I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
