I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...