I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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