i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
