Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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  (631): If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me. http://tfl.nu/ugtt
  Replies (8) Good night (895) Bad night (1378)
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  (310): View more from California

  I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work

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  (310 ): I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work http://tfl.nu/s1zl
  Replies (21) Good night (682) Bad night (2919)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today

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  (770): I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today http://tfl.nu/te6h
  Replies (41) Good night (5492) Bad night (536)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.

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  (303): I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed. http://tfl.nu/amby
  Replies (18) Good night (6624) Bad night (543)
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  (415): View more from California

  well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart

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  (415): well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart http://tfl.nu/6v8e
  Replies (17) Good night (7703) Bad night (596)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.

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  (+44): The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them. http://tfl.nu/yb6x
  Replies (20) Good night (724) Bad night (3766)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.

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  (512): We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos. http://tfl.nu/fazf
  Replies (6) Good night (2567) Bad night (1829)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours

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  (609): my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours http://tfl.nu/c2a1
  Replies (27) Good night (3094) Bad night (1637)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does

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  (239): Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does http://tfl.nu/6lq0
  Replies (6) Good night (2271) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick

  (305): View more from Florida

  I am very proud of your internet skills

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  (512): You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick (305): I am very proud of your internet skills http://tfl.nu/83rs
  Replies (2) Good night (1001) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.

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  (267): yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want. http://tfl.nu/2y0q
  Replies (5) Good night (1448) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...

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  (208): Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return... http://tfl.nu/xy3e
  Replies (5) Good night (686) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.

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  (708): I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid. http://tfl.nu/0wsp
  Replies (4) Good night (625) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I like how you're utilizing your resources

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  (814): Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor (1-814): I like how you're utilizing your resources http://tfl.nu/lq2x
  Replies (0) Good night (377) Bad night (218)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?

  (469): View more from Texas

  I still had a cough. It only makes sense

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  (314): So you drank bourbon with cough syrup? (469): I still had a cough. It only makes sense http://tfl.nu/3kpq
  Replies (2) Good night (583) Bad night (303)

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