I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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