I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.