And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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