She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Still dying that you shit outside
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
