Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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